Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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