maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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