just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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