Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
