Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
