The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
