Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
