i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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