Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
