she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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