just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
