dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
