Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize