is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
