a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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