Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize