absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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