I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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