I cut my penus on the lid.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
