your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
