I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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