I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
