There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize