There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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