Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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