you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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