Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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