So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
