so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
