i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
