Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
