i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
