drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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