he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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