Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize