Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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