Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
