That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
