Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
they're like a gay fantastic four
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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