At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
