omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
