bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
