her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
