So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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