Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
