You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
