Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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