NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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