3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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