the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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