why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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