roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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