The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
