Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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