Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
