pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
