On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
