i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
