The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize