is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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