as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
