The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
