DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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