Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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