i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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