you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
