Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
