Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
