When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
