all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
