Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
this hospital has no fireball
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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