Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry my hands just texted you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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