She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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