K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
