i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
