dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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