i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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