No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
