Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
