Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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