Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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