The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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