Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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