He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
