what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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