It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
