When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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