She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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