I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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