im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
