she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
