So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
