i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
