I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize