Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
