I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
