is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
