This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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