I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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