East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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