We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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