He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
