i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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